what is your true self?
i initially started writing a post answering "can you be your true self as a wagie?", but pretty quickly i found myself trying to define what even "true self" means.
it's fucking ridiculous actually. we have many, many disciplines and classes and topics. there's calculus, statistic, programming, erlang, watercolor, french, sociology, physics, psychology. there's different levels of degrees and certifications like high school diploma, bachelors, masters, phd. from elementary to middle to high school and even university, i haven't had a single class, teacher, or adult who taught me what i am or even how i could learn what i am. or even the importance of doing so. (and no, personality tests are akin to horoscopes). alan watts wrote a book "the taboo on knowing yourself" and i think that title basically does sum it up. most of us will never even know who or what we truly are. and yet, just look at what you spend most of your time thinking about and doing - almost everything we do is basically for our selves. and even when we do something for family, it still goes back to ourselves because how come you don't do something for someone else's family? and the answer is it's because your family is connected or related to yourself. and if you help strangers, it's because you see them as being related to what you think you are. for e.g. a muslim might see a genetically unrelated person who also identifies as a muslim like a brother because he sees being muslim as part of his identity. it all goes back to our selves.
so almost all of us are selfish. that's fine. that's not a problem. it's very useful and has been necessary. if this human called tawsif didn't prioritize itself, it would not prioritize it's survival and it would die. everytime we kill or consume a lifeform, be it vegetation or an animal, we prioritize our own aliveness over that lifeform. this is our current way of life and has been for billions of years. it's not bad or evil or wrong. it's just how it is. if our ancestors didn't, we wouldn't be alive today.
the problem i think isn't so much selfishness. even though i'm mostly vegan-vegetarian and i volunteer at a not for profit equine therapy ranch for those with disabilities/special needs and i mostly work to provide for my family, i'm still damn selfish! the problem i've observed is when i operate in the world not knowing what my true self is.
to be continued...